The Beer Wench Gets Clean

Let’s face it: the life of a Beer Wench can be exhausting. To make it to every event, tasting, date and work shift all while attempting to write can take a lot out of you. And all those tasty beers? Yeah, they can take a lot out of you, too. So a few weeks ago I decided to take a week off and be nice to my liver, for a change.

Before deciding exactly how to approach cleansing, I emailed my cousin Brooke, a Naturopathic Doctor in California. I also spoke with the awesome ladies at Fresh Start Market on 23rd ave and did a little Internet research. Brooke wrote me back a basic week long liver detox outline, which, to me, just seemed like a long list of “no’s”. Not that I was surprised, the Internet had told me the same thing. She also sent me a list of supplements to take and recommended going for massage and bodywork—like I needed an excuse to make an appointment for a deep tissue massage at Blossom.

The list of “No’s”
NO ALCOHOL
No caffeine
No nicotine
No sugar
No corn
No dairy
No gluten
No wheat
No soy

I should mention that in my quest to cleanse I had tried to enlist several partners in crime, both my coworkers seemed really excited and into it—until Day 1 rolled around and I caught one with a cigarette and the other with a margarita. My boyfriend was the only one who stuck it out with me, even though he admittedly cheated and scarfed a string cheese on Day 3.

But Wench what the hell did you eat? Brooke said it was important to follow an organic diet during the cleanse: all organic produce and lean organic/wild caught protein. Green tea was also ok, as the caffeine existing in the tea is miniscule and also may help the major coffee-withdrawal headaches I was experiencing. Sugar was a “no” but Grade B Dark Amber Maple Syrup was ok. Let’s just say I read a lot of labels. I am amazed how many products contain one of the “no’s”. Hummus with soy oil, hot sauce with sugar, and corn—corn is in freaking everything!! Even though everything at work is organic, my staff meal became even more limited because we have no fish and most vegetarian options contain dairy or corn tortillas—which are gluten free but also on the “no” list. Sigh.

Day 1

I woke up with a massive hangover due to celebrating my girlfriend Angie’s birthday a tad too hard after the Vegetarian Nonsense Beer Pairing Dinner at Jimmy’s No. 43. All I wanted was a coffee. And a pizza. And a lobotomy. Having to serve people beer and make espresso almost killed me.

Day 2

On my way to Hardcore Pilates in Union Square without my usual morning coffee, I almost lost my shit. I remembered Brooke saying that green tea was ok so, in a last ditch effort, I ran, twitching, into the nearest teahouse.
“And how can I help you?” the overly friendly barista asked.
“Iced green tea please.” subtext: make it fast before someone loses an eye.
“Sweet?”
“No.”
“Do you have a rewards card?”
“NO.”
“What’s the opposite of yes?” He smiled, smugly unaware that I was plotting his death.
“No.” Was this guy for real? Did he escape from Disney?
“Someone get some butter because you’re on a ROLL!”
Thankfully the tea girl called my name before things got ugly.

Dinner from Union Square Greenmarket: fajita style zucchini and peppers on a sautéed Portobello cap with homemade pico de gallo

Day 3

I tried to convince my roommate to jump on the cleanse wagon—he popped another Bluepoint and said he’d think about it. That morning he had also made coffee, and forgotten to turn off the pot when he left for work. I cleaned it up, silently cursing his coffee drinking, beer guzzling freedom. I’d been doing eggs and vegetables cooked in coconut oil for breakfast, salads for lunch, possibly a vegetable juice as a snack, and salads and hummus for dinner.

I integrated as many raw foods as I could into my diet and quite possibly made a serious dent in the avocado crop. In lieu of coffee I was chugging dandelion root or milk thistle tea—both herbs are liver purifiers—in addition to my iced green teas that I was making (I refused to take any more chances on chipper counter folk). I also tried to add in a lot of beets, which are also liver purifiers.

I got to watch my coworkers sample new beers in front of me, and yes, they dramatically rubbed it in while I sipped my dandelion tea.

Day 4

Day 4 of the cleanse was also the first day of the Astoria Art Festival and my job just so happened to be hosting the after-party. Not only did I get to serve beer and cocktails to random customers but now I was also surrounded by all of my friends involved in the festival—and they’d been drinking all night. Oh temptation! On the upside, every single friend who hugged me commented on how great I looked. Apparently, my skin was glowing! After work I checked it out in the mirror and had to admit, they had a point. The lack of sugar, wheat, and late nights had eradicated my under eye circles and made my face look brighter.


Day 5

The true test of will power: working a brunch shift with no coffee and no post-brunch shift drink. My pre-brunch breakfast pre-cleanse used to consist of a Greek yogurt with honey so I had had to do a little searching for something quick and filling that fit the rules. I picked up a Chia Pod made with Chia seeds, coconut milk, and bananas. It was $4 and it tasted like shit.

After making it through brunch my man and I decided we were brave enough to eat out and still avoid temptation. Thankfully Fatty’s Café makes the amazing 300 Salmon Meal: grilled salmon with zucchini, yellow squash, chimichuri, and avocado. We threw in a side of black beans and hot sauce (after reading each hot sauce label to make sure it didn’t contain sugar). Dinner was amazing and completely satisfying, but the second we got home my dude wanted desert. Since his usual go-to of ice cream and chocolate was out, I grabbed a Granny Smith. After slicing the apple, I sautéed it in coconut oil, cinnamon, ginger, and a pinch of sea salt before tossing the slices in Grade B Dark Amber Maple Syrup. The result tasted like apple pie filling!

There is no photo of aforementioned dessert, as it did not last long enough.

Day 6

We woke up on Sunday wishing we could go day drink over brunch—instead I made eggs with sautéed vegetables and a pot of tea while he made an appointment for a couple’s massage. An hour long deep tissue massage at Blossom left the two of us completely relaxed and starving; thankfully, Bare Burger makes great salads and was on the way home. Later that night, we guzzled club soda at a going away party at Sweet Afton while our friends swilled beers and pounded shots. Trying to maintain conversations with our friends as they reached inebriation became more and more trying so we excused ourselves to take a walk. We managed to enjoy a kale salad at Mar’s without imbibing any Flying Dog Oyster Stout or Fire Island Sea Salt Ale, no easy feat considering they are two of my favorites.

Day 7

I had an appointment with my chiropractor in the afternoon and was pleasantly surprised that, not only was my alignment great, but the inflammation caused by an injury sustained to my tailbone a few weeks prior had gone down. My chiro said that cutting sugar helps reduce inflammation, which could explain why my muscles were feeling so much stronger.
Since it was our last night, I decided to make dinner. I bought salmon at Whole Foods on my way back to Astoria and then picked up rainbow chard and a butternut squash at Greenbay Organic Market on Broadway. We also decided to toast the end of our week off with a Pinot Noir, which, after one glass, left me feeling a little buzzed. I marinated the salmon with cilantro, hot peppers, paprika, cumin, lemon, turmeric, garlic and salt before pan searing it. I sautéed the chard with fresh squeezed lemon juice and garlic and baked the squash with freshly grated ginger and fresh orange juice. My spin on Moroccan spiced salmon was so successful that I’m pretty sure my boyfriend inhaled it. After his plate was clean he began eyeballing mine.

So we made it a whole week. I missed coffee. I missed beer. I learned that dandelion and milk thistle capsules are (a) available at health food stores and (b) awesome for your liver when you’re drinking—seriously, these things help assuage a hangover like whoa. I also got a chance to hone my cooking skills and get creative in the kitchen. I won’t be trading in my beer, coffee, or cocktails for good but taking time off every now and then isn’t as hard as I initially thought. Sure the first few days royally sucked, but after the caffeine withdrawal faded and I stopped dreaming of beer, I actually felt pretty great! I even lost two pounds! It was a huge bonus that my bar tapped a keg of Allagash Curieux the week after my cleanse and yes, it was freaking delicious.

The Beer Wench and Vegetarian Nonsense at Jimmy's No. 43 for Brown Paper Tickets

Brown Paper Tickets sent me to review an awesome beer pairing dinner at Jimmy's No. 43. Hopefully The Beer Wench and Vegetarian Nonsense will be the first of many event reviews for them!

The Beer Wench Gets Cookin': Date Night

I believe I have already mentioned a certain birthday celebration a few weeks back that left me almost too hungover for wine tasting. While we all know Ale Wife for their dizzying beer selection and out of the way location, I’d like to bring something else to the table: their mussels. You see I am a huge fan of shellfish, especially if they are cooked in beer. When I saw beer mussels on the menu I didn’t bother looking at anything else. My date, however, was not so excited. “They’re just chewy little pieces of flesh”, he said, but eventually my excitement got the better of him and he caved. I’ll be damned if Ale Wife’s mussels didn’t prove him right! The only redeeming part of the meal—the garlic fries—couldn’t even make the broth tasty. I decided right then and there to redeem the beer-cooked bi-valve and prove to my man that, if cooked correctly, he most certainly would enjoy mussels.

Before beginning to shop for dinner, I like to brainstorm my options: what’s seasonal, local, fresh, and pairs well. Since I was preparing a late summer dinner I opted to go with a Hefeweizen as my base for a lighter, fresher feel. I also wanted to prepare dishes that would be ready at the same time and be relatively easy to prep in advance, dishes that would effortlessly complement my main dish. What goes better with beer mussels than French fries? A quick trip around the Union Square Green Market and I had found some lovely spuds, gigantic heads of garlic, shallots and beautiful fresh green beans.

Next up: local shopping. I love our neighborhood for it’s abundance of bakeries, ethnic markets, butchers, and fish markets. I grabbed my granny-cart and set off for EuroMarket on 31st in hot pursuit of beer. Their fridges yielded a bounty of brews—it was almost too difficult to choose! Thankfully I had made a list and found the will power to stick to it: Ayinger Brau-Weis for my broth, Jenlain Farmhouse Ale and Saison Dupont for pairing. I also left EuroMarket with excellent olive oil, Irish butter (unsalted), and Lindeman’s Framboise (for dessert). Meandering up 30th Ave I grabbed parsley and lemons at a vegetable stand, a whole-wheat baguette at Astoria Bakers, and finally made my way to Best of The Sea. Most websites I’ve found tell you to plan on 1-½ pounds of shellfish per person so I purchased two 2lb bags of mussels. Make sure you check each bag for broken mussels!

When I’m cooking for someone special, I like to have all of my slicing and dicing done before they arrive. My kitchen is too small for two and hey, I want to look oh-so-fabulous while effortlessly preparing a culinary masterpiece. The day before dinner I cut all of my potatoes into evenly sized wedges, sliced the ends off my green beans, and diced my garlic and shallots. I removed the mussels from their mesh bags, checked to make sure none of them were broken or dead, and put them in a large bowl covered with a damp cloth on the bottom of my fridge.

Date night finally arrived. I had soaked the mussels in salt water three times after scrubbing and de-bearding them to remove any grit. I donned my favorite floral apron and waited for the buzzer. My man arrived bearing cheese from Astoria Bier and Cheese and a surprise dessert! Screw flowers, the way to this wench’s heart is something delicious and edible! I already had the oven preheated to 400 so we were ready to rock.

Step 1
Put the potato wedges in a large Ziploc bag and toss with olive oil, salt, pepper, one clove of chopped garlic, crushed red pepper and parsley. Spread evenly on a parchment paper lined baking sheet. Cook twenty minutes on each side. I also alternated between the top and bottom racks after ten minutes.

While the potatoes were cooking on side #1 we opened the Jenlain and nibbled on the cheese he’d brought. Smart man, he’d foraged for one that would pair well with ales—slightly sharp, yet not overpowering.

Step 2

After flipping the fries, grab a large soup pan and sauté 2 chopped cloves garlic and 2 diced shallots in olive oil. Once they soften add a handful of chopped parsley, a pat of butter, and some salt, pepper, and cracked red pepper. Gingerly pour in your mussels and add hefeweizen, about half the bottle—you want to steam the mussels, not boil them! Throw in two more pats of butter and the juice of two lemons. Cover.

Step 3

In a frying pan sauté one chopped clove garlic in butter, add green beans, the juice of one lemon, a splash of the hefeweizen, salt, pepper, and some cracked red pepper. Cook over medium heat, making sure to rotate the beans. Wrap sliced baguette in aluminum foil and stick in oven with potatoes for the last five minutes.

Step 4

By now the potatoes should be crispy on the outside and cooked through the middle, remove from oven, place on serving dish. I sprinkled them with extra salt, chopped parsley and chives. Go ahead and plate the green beans too (I like them on the crisp side).

Step 5

Check the mussels, they are done when they open. I used a large serving dish for the shellfish and a side bowl for the amazing beer broth (fries dipped in beer broth=divine).

Step 6 is the best part:
Open the Saison Dupont and eat your feast! I’m going to go ahead and pat myself on the back for this—everything was delicious. However, my opinion of my moules frites wasn’t the important one; had my culinary endeavor changed my man’s opinion on the mollusk? Well, he was eating them while commenting on their structural strangeness. He was dipping fries in the broth of his own volition! The green beans had all but disappeared and the bowl of discarded shells was filling rapidly.

“They look so weird,” he said. But he was still eating them.
“Well, are they still just ‘chewy pieces of flesh’?” I asked.
He popped another one in his mouth, “Well they are always going to be weird looking but Babe, these are delicious! I’m full off of things this big! Seriously, I can’t stop eating them!”
That may have been validation enough for my cooking ability, but the fact that he ate too many mussels to even think about eating dessert didn’t hurt either.

I used the leftover potatoes for breakfast the next morning—they made epic home fries!

Want to follow my recipe and make Moules Frites at home?

Here’s my shopping list:

1 head garlic
2 shallots
Green beans
Parsley
2 large roasting potatoes (or 4 small)
3 lemons
Irish butter (unsalted)
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Whole-wheat baguette
1 bottle Ayinger Brau Weiss
Mussels (1 ½ lbs per person)
Saison for pairing (I used Saison Dupont and Jenlain)
A hot date

The Beer Wench Goes...Wine Tasting?!?

North Fork Wine Map

While I’ve spent my fair share of time drinking my way from Long Beach to Montauk (as well as a painfully long summer season working as a server in East Hampton) I had never actually been to any of the vineyards on Long Island. Sure, I’ve tried their wines and know a smidge about a few of them, but no one ever said, “Hey, let’s go wine tasting on the North Fork!” and actually followed through. It always seemed to be some sort of grown-up, romanticized, couple-y thing—like bed and breakfasts, picnicking, or, hell, row boats in Central Park, something that requires a floral frock or, at the very least, a hat—wine tasting didn’t really seem like a Wenchly activity. So when my friend Nicci brought up the notion of exploring the North Fork Wine Trail this past Sunday, I thought what the hell, donned a frock, and jumped on board.

It may help you to know that Saturday night I had been downing Dogfish Punkin at Ale Wife in honor of my girlfriend Amy’s 30th. But Wench, you say, a few beers would’ve been A-OK. True, a few would have been and I did enjoy a moderate amount however, Punkin is 7%abv and ok, ok I’ll admit I was supplementing it with Barrier’s Black Saison. All right, fine, she turned 30 and there were whiskey shots. And maybe a bourbon nightcap to follow my beer cupcake from Prohibition Bakery. I don’t know about you but after waking up feeling the repercussions of my stupidity the last thing I wanted to do was drink wine. Thank Dionysius that the drive out east was long enough for me to eat a bagel from NYC Bagel Co. and return to a more human state.

The lawn at Macari Vineyards was dotted with wrought iron tables full of people enjoying assorted wines, cheeses, olives and each other. We headed for the tasting room and bellied up to the bar. After perusing the menu of tasting flights, we opted for the “Vintage” experience. I was an instant fan of the Gruner with its crisp acidity and brightness. There is only one word to describe their Chardonnay: BUTTER. I felt like I had just swallowed a glass of palate coating melted butter. I thoroughly enjoyed the following reds, especially their Dos Aguas blend. We asked our Bro of a bartender (wine tasting host? what exactly are their titles?) where the name came from—he had to go ask someone else. Turns out it was named for the two rivers that flow in the area, go figure.

While I enjoyed the wines at Macari, our experience was pretty lack luster. After doing a little research on my own I found some things worth noting:
-The wine team is led by a CHICK! Kelly Urbanik is her name and she’s worked at both Beringer and Louis Jadot. Bad Ass.
-Macari is all about natural farming and bio-diversity. They compost and apparently raise Spanish goats and Texas Long Horns (sadly I didn’t see any)

Next up: Bedell Cellars. I know a little more about this particular vineyard as my old roommate used to intern with them before he moved to France. Bedell was also the location of Nicci’s sister’s wedding a year ago, so I had seen photos of its epic beauty. The experience couldn’t have been more different from the one we had at Macari—for starters, the tasting room is outside on a gorgeous deck and, oh, our bartender Nicole actually knew what the hell she was talking about. Let’s start with the fact that the vineyard is sustainably farmed, which means that everything they grow and everything they do is to enhance the land over time—they’re very green, people! Also their labels are designed by various artists which leads to them being quite eye catching. Sure, they’ve won all sorts of accolades and points from Wine Spectator but the real cherry on top? Their wine was served at Obama’s Inaugural Luncheon. Bam.

My favorites included their extremely limited 2010 Musee ( a velvety well spiced red blend), their Blanc de Blanc (a honey yet minerally bubbly), and their Gewurztraminer (citrusy, minerally, and delightful).

Our final winery was definitely a little different. Set back off the road, the tasting barn at Croteaux serves only Rose. That, my friends, is all they make. The back yard is shaded by huge weeping willows and looks out into the vineyard—it’s like being transported to another freaking world.

Instead of doing tastings at the bar and talking you through the wine, Croteaux brings you the entire flight and a laminated key so you can do your own thing. We cozied up to a picnic table to enjoy our wine and their featured cheese and baguette. Croteaux is the youngest vineyard out of all three (it was planted in 2003) but the atmosphere and staff made it feel comfortable and homey. My favorite here was their Cuvee Sparkle: light, dry, and crisply effervescent.

What better way to end our classy day than with dinner by the water in Greenport? Since the brewery was already closed for the day, we made our way to the foremost in fine waterfront dining: Crabby Jerry’s.

Our lobster rolls and fried seafood platter pared effortlessly with the Bronx Pale Ale and the sounds of the cover band echoing from the neighboring deck bar. Nothing but class.

Pre-gaming For Pumpkin Season With The Beer Wench

Well kids, summer has come and gone in a haze of light lagers and hefeweizens. And, while I’ll miss the beach and backyard BBQs, I couldn’t be more excited for the malty goodness of fall. You all know my affinity for all things bourbon barrel aged and roasted brown ales—porters and stouts, I simply can’t wait! But there is one thing in particular that makes the advent of fall seem oh-so-exciting—and I am not talking about something that requires waiting in line at Starbucks for an hour.

Move over Pumpkin Spice Latte, this Wench is holding out for pumpkin beer!!

This fall I plan on trying as many luscious gourd infused brews as possible. As I begin my seasonal tasting quest, let’s take a minute for one of my personal favorites: Dogfish Punkin.

Punkin is a medium bodied brown ale brewed with pumpkin meat and brown sugar, which strikes a nice harmony of seasonal flavors and malt. I find it extremely quaffable and love that it tastes like beer, not pie, and it pairs effortlessly with all fall fare. Dogfish entered Punkin in the Punkin Chunkin home brew competition in 1994 (and won) six months before they even opened their brewery! They’ve been making Punkin seasonally ever since. This is one to stock up on because stores stop stocking around Thanksgiving.

The Beer Wench Goes To Belgium Comes To Cooperstown

I’ve been intrigued by Ommegang’s Belgium Comes To Cooperstown festival for years and, thanks to my awesome friend AJ at Ommegang, this year this Wench got to experience this ridiculous hullabaloo. What, you ask, is BCTC? Well my dears, for starters it’s an annual summer celebration of the best in Belgian and Belgian-style brews. There’s food, music, fireworks, bonfires, and beer. Lots of beer. There are also about 2,500 beer lovers and friends in tents. That’s right—tents. Everyone sets up camp and embarks on a three-day beer fest with one of the most scenic backdrops I’ve ever encountered. For those of you who haven’t made the trek to Cooperstown- do it! Just be prepared to sit in traffic for a lifetime and then drive through winding country roads surrounded by nothingness on the way. Book a B&B; they have real bathrooms—unlike the port-a-potties from BCTC.

Gotta say I was pretty psyched to be stuck in traffic behind the Allagash van near Yankee Stadium. My girlfriends had to keep me from Chinese Fire-Drilling my way out of our VW and into their beer supply.

Once you arrive at BCTC you have to pick your campsite and set up your homestead. Now, I may have been a camp counselor for years but we had cabins people! This Wench hasn’t been near a tent since one miserable family camp outing involving a gravel campsite and a lack of air mattress—roughly thirteen years ago. So when my lady friends asked me to help set up the tent (in the rain, I may add) I must admit I was useless. Lucky for us Amiee had lived in a tent for a while and had that sucker up in ten minutes, long enough for me to make friends with our neighbors in tent village who conveniently happened to be the staff of Keegan Ales. Our new Keegan friends also had kegs of beer, which they were nice enough to share during the downpour.

After the rain, there was this:

Friday night at BCTC is primarily industry night. Us gals took our drinks and meandered through tent city, stopping to sample Ommegang’s Game of Thrones Blond Ale, a random Kriek, and lord knows what else (sorry guys this weekend is a little hazy). On our way we found AJ from Ommegang, Tommy from Sunswick, Dan from Crescent&Vine and The Strand (whose tent I may have thrown open, demanding that he get out of his sleeping bag, severely freaking out his little brother) and a myriad of other familiar faces. AJ took us to the Duvel/Ommegang campsite and, once refueled with Ommegang Witte we set off to enjoy the bonfire and the electric glow of the ferris wheel.

There is no sleeping in at BCTC. There is also no privacy, think you’re having an inappropriate what-we-say-in-the-tent-stays-in-the-tent conversation? Yeah, everyone around you heard that. After getting up at 8am, we made ourselves as presentable as possible and enjoyed a morning mimosa at our portable picnic table before making our way to the brewery tour.

Ommegang Brewery began in 1997 to create Belgian style ales. The name was taken from the name of a Belgian parade and literally translates “to walk about”. Oddly enough, that’s exactly what we spent our weekend doing!


Following the tour, AJ brought us to the industry only happy hour. Under a swanky white tent we tasted every imaginable variety of Ommegang and Duvel while we sampled tasty snacks. Local cheese, mussels cooked in ale, fresh shucked oysters—was this a wedding or a beer festival? We ended our happy hour running into Shawn from Bronx Brewery and toasting with the un-released Game of Thrones dark ale. It was malty, coffee, chocolate high-octane goodness and a really good decision that we only had a sample of the stuff.

On to the tasting tent!! Every brewery had their own table with their kegs and they were more than delighted to share until the well ran dry. We made the rounds: Port Jeff, Dogfish Head, Lagunitas, Singlecut (yeah Astoria!), Keegan, Allagash, Bronx—and so many, many more. Sadly we hit the Allagash table too late to try the Curieux Saison, this Wench is hoping for a sample in the near future! Shawn at Bronx Brewery had saved us samples of some ridiculously remarkable limited edition brews: Gin Barrel Aged Bronx Pale Ale and (my favorite) Bourbon Barrel Aged Bronx Pale Ale.

The Gin Barrel Aged beer was almost indescribable—every note of juniper, smooth oak, fresh hops, mint, pine, caramel—it shouldn’t taste good but oh man, it sure does.

The Bourbon Barrel Aged became my favorite at the festival—you all know my affinity for things aged in bourbon barrels (ahem, Allagash Curieux). I need to get my hands on a bottle or five of this!

Post-tasting, still standing, we entered the Hop-Chef competition tent to sample delicious food all made with delicious beer. Wish I could tell you more about that but I was subsequently whisked away by Jimmy from Jimmy’s 43 to do a beer radio show. Jimmy and I chatted with various brewers as well as Pat from Smuttynose (their new pilsner is delectable) and Tommy from Sunswick. My ladies found me and we went on to enjoy tastes of Radiant Pig Junior IPA, a new brewery that I am particularly excited about.

Not going to lie, the haze began right around here. A few things I do remember kids:

-I cannot hula hoop and pour Duvel simultaneously, despite my trying. I can pour a mean Duvel but let’s face it; I’ve never been much of a hula hooper.

-I hate port-a-potties. I hate them more after they’ve been used all day for a beer festival and some people never learned to handle their booze.

-The Astoria contingent will always find each other—and throw the best tent parties.

The next morning we awoke to break down camp. Once again the lack of an air mattress had bit me in the ass, and sides, and back…sigh. Lesson learned: when camping bring an air mattress!! We stumbled down to the Ommegang Café, in hopes that Belgian waffles smothered in beer-cheese and fried eggs may revive us.