A Canz Conundrum

Let me start by admitting that I am not a sports buff, I get overwhelmed by too many games with sound on in a bar. I am also a pescatarian and have never had a Buffalo Wing in my life. I can, however, appreciate the Buffalo sauce. I have been told that my friends will travel and subject themselves to terrible bar scenarios in search of the perfect wing, I listened to them all wax poetic about their favorite sauces and wings when I mentioned Canz. As soon as the bar was brought up, all the boys got a fiendish glint in their eye and a boys (and Beer Wench) evening was planned.

We walked in to Canz on a rainy Wednesday, they had been open roughly a week. At first glance, it’s a nicely done roadhouse. Shiny new TV’s line the walls, big beer barrels create the back wall of their “beer garden” with a retractable roof, and yes, there are cans (I’m not talking about the metal kind, kids). The music was a fun mix of recent rock and throw backs that had all of us singing along and looking like instant idiots, but hey, we were there to be fools. I was one of the only chicks in the joint that was not wearing a black Canz shirt, daisy dukes, and knee highs also sporting the Canz logo and I still got gawked at multiple times on my way to the can by dudes in wife-beaters sporting over-gelled hair. My boys could have kind of passed for the typical Canz clientele, if it weren’t for their facial hair and lack of hair gel—but then again the dude at the bar with the infant strapped to his chest didn’t seem phased.


Our waitress was cute, bubbly, and overly attentive. A glass was empty a nanosecond before she scooped it up and she was quick on the popcorn refills. She took our crap and laughed at the boys’ jokes, an all around good sport until we starting asking beer questions. I’ll be fair, there are a shit load of cans and drafts on the Canz list, but most are domestics that we all already know (do you need 4 varieties of both Bud and Miller?). The boys ordered hot wingz (yes, everything is spelled with a “z” on the menu) and I went for the soft pretzel stickz, which turned out to be bread sticks with no discernable salt and a honey mustard dip that tasted like frosting. My dudes said the wingz were passable, but they left several untouched on the plate, and the fried pickles were dry, mealy, and nowhere near Afton’s quality.


I began with the Witerkerke can from Belgium, which our waitress said was “light I think” and it turned out to be a white ale, so she was right. The boys rocked the 21st Amendment cans of IPA, nice and mildly hoppy with floral spicy notes, and the $6 pints of Ommegang Hennepin (7.7% a.b.v.)—this by the way is a steal, 3 of these and you will be good to go. Hennepin is a Belgian Saison, or farmhouse ale, traditionally brewed in the winter and stored for summer consumption. The rest of the tap selection is alright, great local staples and seasonals from Blue Point, Sixpoint, Fire Island, and Coney Island. They also have Kona Longboard, which I enjoy in the summer. I stuck to the cans, hoping for something that made me go wow.



I wasn’t really in the market for a stout, however there were no descriptions and I opted to try a beer based on a funny name “Moo Thunder” from Butternuts, which turned out to be a stout in a can. I enjoy Butternuts craft cans, their wheat beer is pretty tasty. Moo Thunder boasts nice coffee and milky notes, would be optimal in the fall. We convinced one of the guys to go for the Steel Reserve from Wisconsin, little did he know it falls in the same category of malt beverage as O.E. We all had a hard time trying to down that beer, but if it’s your thing to go for 40s at the deli, follow it with it’s friend Mr. Colt 45. Hite, a Korean can, boasts that it is “cool and fresh” on the label and turns out to taste a lot like Bud. The Lienenkugal Summer Shandy Mr. Free ordered reminded me of a special concoction from college referred to lovingly as the “skip and go naked”: a mix of a 30 rack of Miller, a bottle of 151, and a frozen can of lemonade. Summer Shandy belongs in the category marked: Things I Drank Before I Knew Better And Turned 21, right next to Mike’s “Harder” Lemonade and Twisted Tea (both on the menu).





I don’t want to totally crush Canz, it has its place I suppose, but I definitely can’t echo their t-shirts and say I have “a crush on their Canz”. Go for the multiple TV’s and special nights—Monday is all you can eat wingz and draft beerz for $25 and Wednezday is karaoke night—but you most likely won't find this girl there anytime soon, despite our waitress's suggestion that I should apply at Canz after she overheard me giving out beer facts. She then asked me to train her.

We finished our fourth round of canz and still weren’t quite satiated, something was missing in our boys and Beer Wench evening. I had a hankering for another brew, nothing too special but something to hit the spot—the Modelo with Everything. As soon as the words left my mouth the bill was paid and the boys were out the door (I thought it would be harder to tear them from the sea of cans and booty shorts) and scampering down 30th Ave, up 34th St and into the cozy dimness of Sweet Afton. Steve and Stu were happy to appease our palettes, lining up cans of Modelo with Kosher salt rims and hot sauce dipped limes behind shots of Jameson and pickle-backs, they even made Mr. Free his choice specialty cocktail the “New York Sazerauc”. He had attempted to order the same drink at Canz (despite my telling him to “can it”) and I thought our poor waitress was going to short circuit. It’s anyone’s guess how long the Afton boys kept us at their bar, but the Taco Truck looked damn good when I left.


The Modelo With Everything at Sweet Afton